Election Day 2008 by Sue

On election day, it was a struggle to get out the door with the 2 kids and I dreaded bringing them to the polls with me but I had no other option. When I arrived at the local elementary school, I was relieved to see small lines. TR2 went into a stroller and CJ6 was told to hold the handles of the stroller. Finally, I arrived at the front of the line, and the lady checked my id, as I signed my name. I walked over to the voting machine, and told CJ6 to follow me. He was more preoccupied with the signs that indicated "This way ----->". He was closing one eye and lining his finger up with the arrow on the sign. As I arrived at the curtain, the volunteer told me to press the green "vote" button when I was finished selecting my candidates. His words must of permeated CJ6's brain because CJ6 slyly slide past me and into the booth. Within a flash, he had pressed the green "vote" button. What the f*@# just happened! I asked the volunteer if I could do it again, and I was told that I lost my opportunity. I was pissed!!!!!!!!!!! It is an hour later and I am still fuming!!!! Just because I have a child with autism, I am denied my democratic say!!! This was the straw that broke the camel's back! I am sure that I will look back on this years from now and laugh, but right now I am pissed, angry and crying as I type! Slowly and gradually, I feel as if I am losing my own identity!
This was just the event that summed up exactly how I have felt for the past year..... which is that I have lost any resemblance of my former life!!! I used to have the opportunity to read the newspaper, or go water skiing, skiing, etc.. Fun is no longer had. It has been put on the back burner for the sheer fact that my kids need my immediate assistance. I firmly agree that my children's health and well being is the top priority, but today's events just reminded me that I have lost "me" during this time.
It actually goes deeper than just foregoing the fun parts of my former life. Keep in mind, that I gave up my teaching job and this incidence reminded me that I miss that. I used to have adult conversations with my colleagues and stimulating discussion with my high school students. I also used to have 30 minutes of peace and serenity during my drive to work and back. I could listen to the radio or make phone calls. This was "my time" and I don't get this anymore. I used to dress up everyday, whereas I now wear the same cotton shirt and sweats. I know I will go back to teaching someday, and I will feel the same sense of fulfillment that I used to get, but I miss the kids and my former life.